I’d Rather be Bad than Sad; Depression in Male Menopause

Psychotherapist Terrence Real says, “Hidden depression drives several of the problems we think are typically male: physical illness, alcohol and drug abuse, domestic violence, failures in intimacy, self sabotage of careers.”

It is said that millions of men are depressed and don’t know it; millions who do know they are depressed but are afraid and ashamed to show it. In our society, unfortunately, it is not manly to be depressed.

Perhaps you have had to work with, or even more unfortunately, for, a middle-aged man fitting this description. Their creed states, “I don’t get headaches, I give them.”, and they spend every working hour trying their best to live up to it. They speak to workers in either a dismissive and angry tone. They are coiled so tight you are waiting for the buttons on their shirt to pop off. Their hands are either curled into hard fists, or they keep working them in an almost compulsive way. They usually breathe hard through their nose. You might think that they are thinking of themselves as the human equivalent of a bull about to charge, and some may indeed see themselves in this way, but more often than not these men are desperately attempting to keep up this front at all costs.

This man speaks in an accusatory or dismissive tone, and where some of his fellow sufferers hate either sex equally, some are almost abusively sexist. He is obviously an unhappy man, but he will cover up that unhappiness with drink, drugs, excessive exercise, aggressive driving habits, overwork, and angry moods. They are so conditioned to deny sadness or weakness, as “feminine” and so they act out his pain instead of internalizing it (again, like women do) because they would rather be seen as “bad’ than “sad”.

There is a condition called “The Irritable Man Syndrome “that has recently been coined to describe a set of symptoms caused by a drop in testosterone. The symptoms are similar to those of male menopause, which involves the hormonal, physiological and chemical changes that occur in men between the ages of forty to fifty-five.

The IMS term was coined by a Scottish researcher who found that rams became irritable, withdrawn, and irrational when their testosterone levels plummeted. A study was conducted with men, and they reported feeling “negative emotions” (stressed, gloomy, grumpy, etc) when their testosterone level dropped, along with experiencing fluctuations in brain chemistry.

It is indeed difficult to feel empathy for such hostile, toxic personalities. (If it helps to view them as an irritable, grumpy ram, that is understandable!) It is hoped that in the near future some way will be found to aid them, and to prevent the kind of damage to little boys that results in this sad syndrome.

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