When a Child with a Birth Defect Needs To Be the Bigger Person

The world is filled with small people. Not small in stature or importance, they are small in spirit, temper, mind and manner. You know them as being oafish to such an extent that they do not shy away from staring at your little angel when you wheel her around in her chair; they are the ones not shy to ask detailed medical questions in the checkout line at the grocery store; and they are the ones who will loudly tell their healthy offspring that they need to be especially kind to poor little children like yours. In extreme cases they might go so far as to question who is to blame for the child’s birth defect and will recommend a good lawyer.

In short, there is not scarcity of people who will try your patience and as your child grows older and begins to understand more about her or his birth defect and the effects it has, your child will also need to learn to deal with such people. When a child with a birth defect needs to be the bigger person, it is helpful to equip her or him with a healthy sense of humor and a positive outlook on life. You may do so early on, considering that the first people your little one will deal with are other children.

To this end, it is wise to being teaching tolerance, acceptance of diversity, and also forgiveness even when no pardon was asked. While your child’s life does not depend on it, any future success in both education and professional life, as well as a good emotional wellbeing most certainly do.

? Alert your child to the fact that just like she or he is different from other kids, all kids are different from one another in a myriad of ways. By coming to terms with being different and embracing this with a sense of uniqueness, your child will operate from a position of strength, not defensiveness.

? Teach your child that she or he is not a victim. A victim mentality is the worst possible outcome a child with a birth defect faces, and the sooner the child understands that with effort, skill, and the use of adaptive technologies and aides she or he will be able to perform to the fullest potential possible, the easier small people are to spot and deal with.

? In the same vein, make sure the child understands acceptable behavior from unacceptable behavior and knows that being the bigger person does not mean enabling someone else to be smaller. Instead, it means accepting the small minded individual for who they are while dealing with the inappropriate behavior.

? While it is tempting for a child with a birth defect to be open about the condition and explain it to anyone who asks, it is important to lay a foundation of boundaries, so the child knows that while she or he is welcome to talk about the condition, there is no obligation to answer a question posed unless it is within the context of a medical evaluation. Absent this setting, curiosity may be indulged or rebuffed, at your child’s discretion. While it may sound petty, this little tidbit of information puts your child in a very powerful position from which it is easier to be big.

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